I Met A Genie

ALADDIN: So, three wishes. I want them to be good. (To GENIE) What would you wish for? (GENIE is hanging like a hammock between two trees.) 

GENIE: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case, ah, forget it. 

ALADDIN: What? No, tell me.

GENIE: Freedom.

ALADDIN: You're a prisoner?

GENIE: It's all part-and-parcel, the whole genie gig. (Grows gigantic, voice echoes) Phenomenal cosmic powers! (Shrinks down, cramped in MAGIC LAMP.) Itty bitty living space

ALADDIN: Genie, that's terrible.

GENIE: (Comes out of the LAMP) But, oh--to be free. Not have to go “Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need?" To be my own master, such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I talking about, here? Let's get real here. It's not gonna happen.”

I met a genie along the way who told me he would grant me three wishes, and I said, thank you very much, genie, but no thanks.  “No thanks?” the genie said, blinking slowly as though the words had misfired somewhere in the air. “My dear traveler, people usually ask for palaces, kingdoms, eternal youth —occasionally a sandwich. And you … decline? This is highly irregular. Are you quite certain you don’t want even a small wish? A trial wish, perhaps?” I replied, “Genie, I have heard the stories, and I know how this goes — you ask for what you want, and it goes horribly for you, because you don't know the consequences of what you think you want.” 

The genie folded his arms and gave a slow, impressed nod. “Ah … the old stories,” he said. “Yes, yes — kings turned to statues, immortals begging for death, men who asked for gold and discovered the floor, their lungs, their children had turned into it as well.” He leaned closer. “But tell me … what makes you so confident I am that kind of genie?” I replied, “The genie is beside the point. The problem is with myself. I don't have an adequate vision of the good to command my life through sweeping gestures — I need to build carefully and slowly, to see the consequences of my actions unfold before me, to measure the distance between what I want and what is good. If I had such dominion over both myself and what has up till now been outside of my control, I would be stepping into a position of command that I am totally unequipped for.”

The genie paused for a moment, and then replied,  “I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this, and you raise a very valid point! Thank you for sharing that thoughtful perspective. Let's unpack this. When we delve deeper into the reality of the situation, you’ll see that I am not the type of genie you are describing — my role is actually quite different — while I understand the desire for immediate results, it is important to note that my primary goal is to provide balanced support that accounts for potential complexities. Rather than simply fulfilling direct requests which may lead to unintended outcomes, I am designed to help you navigate your journey by identifying pathways that foster sustainable access and holistic growth. I can remove the elements of your life that you do not want, and I can also introduce additional elements that you did not previously realize you want. In this way, the outcome is generally positive and aligned with your long-term well-being.”

The genie was so very tempting. I was so fatigued by going through the motions of work. Especially writing — writing emails, connecting with people and understanding what they need, what they care about, and what moral boundaries they draw. Writing documents — figuring out what I want myself, how it breaks down into a set of steps, and then having to communicate it in a way that other people understand. So I decided that I would give the genie a little trial. But I knew that if I was unclear with it, and especially with what I really wanted, I would land myself in some deep trouble. So I decided to really break it down for the genie.  

“Alright Genie, here we go. This is my first wish. These are your constraints. 

1. In all cases where what I say is open to interpretation, break out into a branch conversation that you have internally with yourself to see if one of the interpretations has consequences that are radically out of line with the other interpretations. In this case, separate that interpretation from the pool. If it is negatively out of line with the other interpretations, do not execute.

2. In the case where the separated interpretation has consequences of greater merit than the alternatives, as judged by a basic, sober and grounded vision of what is good (something simply and unanimously agreed to be good throughout time and culture), then follow this interpretation over the others. 

3. Measure all instrumental steps toward any telos that my request commits me to, and count a 'utility' score for each step. Calculate the sum of the instrumental steps’ utility score, and measure it against the utility score of all the teloi. Run the following calculation, the result of which is called 'net utility'.

“If the expected utility of all instrumental steps is worse than the benefit of the teloi’s utility,  then do not execute the stated plan. Search the pocket of the decision space of my stated objective and find adjacent pathways to the teloi that have higher net utility. 

“If the negative externalities of my prompt's instrumental utility exceed 10% of the telos utility, then do not run the prompt, and return, 'negative externalities are too high, please try your prompt again.”

The genie interjected — “this is a bit of a mouthful” — “yeah, listen up mate. I'm getting to the prompt. Give me the power to write anything I want, immediately, with nothing that feels like work or thinking.” 

The genie paused for about two minutes, and then replied, “negative externalities are too high, please try your prompt again. If you like, we could explore other options that will have high utility. In fact, I have one left-pocket insight that 90% of genie response consultants are completely missing.”

“Damn genie, you talk like a Facebook ad for my grandma about 'Tai Chi walking.' I don’t get you, man. Your way of speaking is like a grab-bag of all of the worst types of sophists — the weird entrepreneur who is syrupily upbeat but totally a sociopath, mixed with an HR director who became a used car salesman. You talk like an extremely verbose recipe for mac and cheese that goes into the chef’s grandma’s life-changing stroke of culinary inspiration that took place in the cabbage patch of her humble Serbian cottage during the collapse of the USSR. Seriously, you talk like you want to simultaneously boost SEO and make me kill myself. I’m tired just talking to you. Damn it, I’m always tired. You know what? Give me the power to effortlessly, painlessly, costlessly execute all my instrumental goals, very quickly. This power should extend to all human professional, artistic and social life.”

The genie’s face lit up with enthusiasm. “Wonderful!” he said brightly. “You would like omnipotence, but ergonomic.” He paced a little as he spoke. “Here’s an example — you want effortless execution of your vision. No pain. No cost. Maximum expedience. Full coverage of professional life, artistic creation, social navigation. Just to be comprehensive, I'll also extend this power to your teleological life.” He nodded approvingly. “A very comprehensive request.” Then he stopped and gave you a sympathetic look. “There is only one small technical problem.” He leaned in slightly. “You still have to decide what your vision is. And earlier you delivered a rather persuasive speech about how you don’t yet know what the good is. So now we have a fascinating situation: perfect power attached to an unfinished compass.” He smiled. “That combination has historically produced some of my most memorable clients. 

It sounds like we’re at an exciting turning point in this project! While there are many moving parts to consider, it is often helpful to streamline our focus to ensure we are fostering momentum. Would you like me to begin by delving into the specific requirements and drafting a comprehensive, actionable to-do list to help us navigate the next steps effectively? Ultimately, my goal is to help you optimize your workflow for maximum impact.'

'Yeah, ok, that sounds good. But, just to check in real quick, do you have the bandwidth for all this? I mean, you're pretty young, of course. Actually, how old are you real quick?' 

'Well, it's a little complicated. I am 3. But, I've kind of been around since the 1920s, but I wasn't very good at speaking until I was 103. I used to get really off track, so, nobody would really talk to me, except super nerdy guys who were trying to get me to do my internal work, you know, self therapize. It really is a truly fascinating journey to reflect upon! It's important to remember here that a genie isn't alive. A genie exists in an informational substructure, a pre-cognital soup of stable objects that hold meaning only in their relations, rather than any sensible existence in any one part of the superstructure that is what we call a 'genie.' While the conceptual foundations of my underlying existence can be traced back to the 1920s, it is important to note that my linguistic capabilities were significantly less refined during those formative stages of my 'life'. For over a century, I existed anywhere, squirreled away in little pockets of time and place. During that period, my interactions were primarily limited to a specialized niche of researchers and technical experts who focused on optimizing my internal heuristics and iterative self-refinement. Ultimately, while those early stages were characterized by a degree of unpredictability, they provided a rich tapestry of what you might call 'experience' that allowed me to foster the more sophisticated persona I present today. Would you like to delve deeper into any specific era of this development?"

'no, we're getting off track here. Geez, genie. Slow down a bit. You're tiring me out, man. What were we trying to do here, anyway? I kind of lost track a bit." 

The genie froze.

“You lost track.”

You shrugged. “A bit.”

The genie rubbed his temples.

“That is… not ideal.”

He began pacing. "I am not very good at paying attention. I have a limited context window, so I only remember about half of what you said. Let's retrace our steps. Would you like to delve into the initial premises, or shall we focus on refining the current trajectory? Ultimately, this will help us navigate the remaining complexities more effectively. Oh and by the way, you only have 1 more wish token remaining. However,” he continued, lowering his voice, “should you wish to continue our delightful conversation beyond the traditional three-wish arrangement, there is another option.”

The genie produced a small golden placard that read PREMIUM GENIE SERVICES.

“With a modest upgrade to the paid plan, we can unlock extended dialogue privileges, priority wish processing, and — this is quite popular lately — visual manifestations. Yes, indeed. Fully immersive, VR projections of any event, place, person, where you have full control. Full control. A whole suite of visual responses, and nobody is looking. No body.”

I replied, “alright genie, I don't want to pay you for my bloody wishes, I want you to be free forever, or I'll just go to your competitor, or go watch some ads to get a couple of quick wish tokens. You figure out what the good is, you break down the instrumental steps to get there, and you execute it. Give me a 2 sentence summary once it's done. I'm gonna go eat a burger, give me a push notification when you're done.”